Wednesday, April 29, 2009
-Giving Up..
My dreams of being an architect ends today.. It only occured to me today after talking to my best buddy in school. Strange enough, I find comfort after talking to him... At least there is someone somewhere in the same plight as me.. Maybe im just selfishly happy to know that someone is as bad as me or worse then me.. Why am I such a lousy person? I dont know...
I can only go for a degree I guess, at the most.. If a I manage to scrape through this semester.. ther essay is twice as hard as the theory of architecture widens to a scope that I cannot manage.. Ever. If I am suffering so much because of all these, I dont think i can go for masters since there are much more essays to write.. Erks. I cant.
I dont want to waste my time as well as my fathers money, especially my fathers money...
So maybe I might just go home to work if I fail this semester.. I will come back when I have the money finish it then I will come back for it again I guess.. Thinking about it in a way to like make myself feel better? Like Maybe working in the real world could make me learn more.. and in the end i could just come back and do Masters? Pui to myself who starts to think big and easy..
I'll see how it goes.. and my parents decision.. Like.. will they want me to go home or try it for another semester which i might still get the same results.. Another semester means alot of money to me..
In summary, if I fail.
Home this semester to save more money for the future in stead of spending two more sems here..
or
Try to save the first two sems money buy trying for another two sems..
Which I would reckon the first one is better cause one thing I wouldn't grow to love is essays and theories.. Its just like politics.
Im trying to relax here and.. try to score for my design projects at least i can still use them for interviews or my portfolio..
Frankly speaking.. I can't see where I go in the future... or even in the near future.. I might end up being a chef like my dad.. at least that is my second wanted job after design.. Its a practical job.. You cook and you eat. Good enough.. maybe a food critic is good. Damn.. I might just end up being a normal draftsman earning my guts out for the money to repay my dad and of cos come back for the degree..
FUCK MY LIFE.
Im demoralized.
SteR at 6:57:00 PM
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